Baggage, we all carry it around with us like an emotional weight made up of trust issues, insecurities and fear. Some of us have an easy lifting rucksack, others have a couple of bashed up old bin bags, and then there’s the few like myself who have a Stobart sized lorry packed full of our lifetimes bad decisions, sometimes we can outrun it and leave it trailing far behind us like a disaster waiting to happen and then other times that bastard driver puts his foot down and steams ahead in an attempt to fuck up our initial journey. There may be a few of you out there that insist you are baggage-free because every one of your relationships has been fan-bloody-tastic but I like to call this the ‘rose tinted gym bag’ because everything worthwhile has its trials and tribulations, and honey … shit happens.
As a woman who tends to keep herself busy with things that lack meaning, I sometimes struggle to notice when my van pulls up and unloads shit-bag after shit-bag onto a new potential date or lover. It’s only when I look back at the poor buggar swimming in my emotional trash with that look of utter bewilderment, that I suddenly realise what’s occurred…and ladies, once they’re in that pool, treading garbage for survival, there’s no rescue team on site.
Have you ever found yourself over analysing and examining each dating scenario like a caffeine-high professor on a mission for an answer? It’s as if you need to see a flaw or warning sign to halt the progression and immediately abort. You pick up on problems that aren’t even there and retreat into your bubble of protection, that is until another chancer comes along expecting to burst it with his enchanted sword of Gryffindor – Okay I don’t know why I referred to HP but it sounded better than ‘sword of love’ 🙂
We all want that love, that powerful desire and deep emotional connection with another human being (unless of course you have objectophilia and have already married your lamp) but as soon as our bitter noses get a whiff of that sweet scent, we run for the single hills in search of someone that can’t and won’t hurt us. It’s a game of fight or flight, in which we convince ourselves that something will inevitably go wrong if we stick it out and of course if we do not flee the scene, we will eventually end up 3 bottles of Shiraz deep, face first in both Ben & Jerry, wailing to James Blunt classics. Oh the memories 😉
When you meet someone great It is perfectly natural to take a step back and contemplate whether the risk is worth it but in order to truly know if you’re ready for that jump, you need to take that leap of faith into the sea of uncertainty… just be sure to brace yourself for a belly flop of disaster or a perfectly formed dive. So, to conclude this short piece from a self-confessed commitment phobe, I encourage cowards like myself to just enjoy the moments for what they are, without too much thought into what may happen. You don’t need a bloody SWOT analysis for every man you meet. If you continue to ‘Usain Bolt’ it away from the initial feels, you’ll be forever crossing that finish line alone.