After a debatably chaotic sex life, I force myself to question the insensitive motives of some men and their willies. I have gathered information collectively, interviewed crying girls in club toilets and enjoyed a fumble or two myself, in a sheer attempt to understand why the ones with such good dicks turn out to be the biggest pricks! Now don’t get me wrong, this is certainly no generalisation of all men who are good in the sack…but in my experience, a very large percent of them seem to prove my theory correct. The question is, are they good in bed BECAUSE they are pricks or are they pricks BECAUSE they’re good in bed?
Now I don’t know about you, but every year, around the same time, I find myself all ‘fuckboy’d’ out and promising my oh so strong self that I will never fall for the same old spiel again, of course that is until I land into the lap of another charming bastard who just so happens to say everything I’ve wanted to hear, in positions I’ve always wanted to be in 😉. Now before the end of 2018 and before I tragically set myself up for another bad-boy fall, I have finally committed to finding the answer to the above question, in-order to see if it keeps me on two feet searching for a Mr Right, over a Mr Right Now!
Many would argue that the reason a prick is an excelled master of sex and literal ‘bump n grind’ is because he can, will and HAS bumped his penis into a worldly amount of vagina, thus making him believe he is an untouchable force of sexual desire. A Potters wand too magical to keep hidden, but with no woman deserving his charismatic end for more than a singular night. Through sheer determination, personal experience and almost deadly research…I have come to discover that the reason these men are so good in the boudoir of love, is because we, yes WE put them on that delusional pedestal. Now before you all think ‘Shut that front door Laura, that’s bullshit if I’ve ever heard it’ remind yourself of that saddening, teary time you thought you’d never experience sex like you did with your ex, the time you fantasised nightly about the guy you could no longer have, or how about the time you told your best mate Sharon that Bob had the biggest dick you’d ever seen.
Do you still feel like this now???????
Have you had better sex since? Most probably! Have you seen a bigger dick than Bobs? More than likely! Do you now fantasise about somebody completely different? Of course you do…because back then, you wanted the sex you couldn’t have, the dog you couldn’t tame…and the bone you couldn’t catch. It’s a testing part of enjoying a challenge that gets us to this confusing point and yes, it is very hard to shake out of, and yes it may take you a dozen Bobs to learn from…but it’s a knowing-truth that we as humans crave the unattainable, and even if we like our coffees unsweetened, when the choice is gone, we want some sugar. These beautiful rose-tinted glasses can change any hanging sausage into a 12 incher, a two-position wonder into a book of Karma Sutra and a floppy joe into a hard rock cafe.
TA DA… this is exactly why some men are bigger pricks than a Sahara Desert cactus…because they know us stupid women adore the chase and want what we think we can’t have. It’s also a spot-on way for them to feel more wanted, bigger packaged and superior in the bedroom. Bravo you clever fuckers.
So, from this day forth, I and many alike shall refrain from these prickly bastards and put them into the same and deserved sexual group as every other man with a penis. Remember girls…sex takes two bodies to be mind-blowing …I mean, football wouldn’t be football without the goal, basketball wouldn’t be basketball without the hoop and sex would certainly not be sex without the … 😉