Can the quality of sex be an ultimate decider on who we choose to be with on an emotional level? Of course the fun we have in the bedroom is a high rated factor when choosing our relationships…but does the human brain and genital region occasionally confuse an orgasm for love?
A lot of us women have felt those euphoric after-sex flutters, we melt into the bed sweaty and breathless, covering our naked shells with a duvet of love and sinking into a false sense of fulfilment. We ask ourselves…Is it tingles of the heart or tingles of the clitoris? Such a question can never be answered confidently post-bone because our minds are frazzled by pleasure. It has even been proven that once our bodies reach even minimal orgasm, our minds are in a comatose state and our emotions are heavenly heightened, thus making it impossible to understand what those emotions may mean…brilliant!
Some of us pretend that leg-shaking, earth-moving sexy time isn’t a high staking priority in our relationships but let’s hold that phone and be honest with our genuine selves…the connection we create in the boudoir is just as important as the connection we create in our hearts and minds. As humans who are built up of energy and nerve endings, we can feel deep closeness and pleasure through many different in, and outlets. We can bond through communication, relatability, similarity and even insecurity. The remarkable ways two people can become one are endless, and our bodies intertwining in the act of love making is just as important as the rest of it.
Ever felt so incredibly tense and stressed out with your day that the only cure to create peace and contentment is through the tension release of a bit of ‘how’s your father’? It’s your body letting you know what you need in order to restore the calm, and in fact orgasms can be just as good as a holiday of sunbathing by the sea. So If a relationship fulfils those vital and highly important ‘switch off and fuck moments’ then flourishment in ones partnership is likely, and a ‘happy ever after’ is far more realistic.
As a woman who personally struggles reaching completion in the old bedroom department, I found myself in a similar predicament when a boyo with some impressive skills entered my world and found my button of love. For starters I couldn’t quite understand how sex hadn’t felt this wonderful before…but most importantly I was confused as to whether my multiple orgasms were fireworks of pleasure or fireworks of that little thing, we all call love.
I am a true believer that sexual intercourse can only feel spectacular when there is an abundance of chemistry and connection. An attraction that pulls you in so close that they’re practically wearing you like an in-season gilet. I of course can’t speak for everyone when I say this, as I have a girlfriend that can have the big O with anyone she takes a liking to. The smart and mysterious writer in Starbucks, the grungy guitar player on the festival stage or the burger eating scally in Maccies … no matter who it is and how it is, she can always get her button of ‘love’ pushed like an arcade game on free-play.
My button is a button so hidden, it can be like finding the philosophers stone amongst a cave of ruby-reds, this can ultimately lead to confusion, disappointment and a new set of batteries for my vibrating friend… so when I finally found a real life womb raider so capable of locating my sensitive spot, the test of orgasm or love was REAL. (Okay referring to an ex as a womb raider is gross but shock-language feels necessary). When I found myself only thinking about his pleasurable assets and not his giant heart with abundance of support, I realised so devastatingly that this was a hunger-subsiding lust pie over a sweet and fulfilling love cake. It worked ever so well in the bedroom but worked ever so little in all other rooms that complete a house.
Occasionally us women can put the penis on a pedestal and forget about the other vital components that create a stable and fulfilling relationship. I mean let’s face it, you can be filled with dick but are you honestly full up on love? Are you going to pay that restaurants extortionate bill after being served soggy salad and a fly in your soup , or are you satisfied enough to leave compliments to the chef and a generous tip? There is no difference between what you need from a restaurant and what you need from a partnership, as just like both there are many components that need to work for an experience to be pleasant. When dining you expect good service, a nice ambience, cleanliness, affordability and great food. When dating you expect Kindness, support, honesty, attraction, communication and great sex. For a Michelin star and grand reviews all qualities and expectations need to be ticked and fulfilled, so why should you invest your heart into a relationship that ticks just 5 out of 6 boxes?
This was the slap of pure reality that I so desperately needed in a time of obvious confusion. ‘You can have a lot, if not all the right ingredients and still bake a shit cake’ You can also have two amazing and likeminded humans in a relationship and still find that it doesn’t work. The right love is a formula and recipe made up of herbs and spices, attributes and beliefs…it’s about having that right amount of seasoning and knowing when to add it to your dish, or at least compromise and experiment to create a one of a kind masterpiece. When you chef up your relationship in an attempt to create the right kind of love and the only meal that ‘love’ creates is a tasteless ‘meat and two veg’ with a lack of nutrition, you know it’s finally time to put down that griddle pan, wash off that sausage fat and head to the nearest supermarket for something ready made and GOOD for your heart as well as your vadge!