Hello and welcome to the controversial topic regarding the men we give an inch to, who take a bleeding mile. Before I begin to slander a hefty percentage of the male species, I would kindly like to point out that this is for entertainment purposes only and no men were in fact harmed in the making of this post. So, let’s drown deeply into this pool of honesty…
Have you ever entered in to a dating scenario with an individual you would never usually look twice, even once at? Believed you would go down that road of change and attempt to try a flavour from a different ice-cream tub? Were you wanting to prove to yourself that you’re not in fact a shallow, fine-face loving perfectionist on a mission to date only the Jonny Depp lookalikes of the world? Did you genuinely expect a kinder, less ignorant and arrogant soul due to personality and appearance ratios? … Only to be slapped across the chops by a little thing we all call CHEEK!?
Yes, I am discussing this perfectly well-known dating tactic without fear of online judgment or any given fucks. See the point is, many women including myself are blamed for the shit quality of our relationships due to us going for the so-called ‘wrong’ type of man. The man who looks aesthetically pleasing to the naked eyeball and the man who has status, money, biceps, a blue tick and a lengthy rod – but after 30 years of dating as a fully functioning female, I have come to realise that even the below average joe’s with questionable selfies can be utter swines and ball bags.
Some of us have had first hand experience with this ever-growing problem and others haven’t, so let me attempt to put my foot into the boots some of these men are now far too big for and offer a polite insight.
Some men seriously go from punching ever so high in the sky to believing they’re the reincarnation of Hugh Heffner, with the ability and stamina to bag any type of woman they desire. Now there’s nothing wrong with a bit of wishful thinking and harmless delusion however, there’s everything wrong with mistreating a girl you once believed was too good for you because you’ve hilariously outgrown those teeny tiny boots your troll feet belong in. Cue the ‘Who do you think you are?’, ‘you’re not that great yourself!’ comments that I enjoy and so deeply live for. No, I am not a total believer in leagues and staying in your so-called appearance lane, but I am a passionate believer in treating people with respect, kindness and god damn appreciation.
Research has concluded that there’s a greedy collection of men out there who look at women as levels they can unlock on a game of Crash Bandicoot. They believe that once they reach that beautiful platform of golden achievement and find that hidden gem of sexual fulfilment, that they no longer need to try for what they want and have ‘completed it mate’ – disregarding the higher levels and finding a new game to start, with their freshly written book of cheats. I am all for the strive for greatness but more often than not these men later find themselves on an over-priced game without a weapon, confused and on a mission to masturbation.
Ladies, have you ever been the victim of what I like to call the ‘creepy ex cling-on’? You know, the one who initially disregards you as a human being that deserves basic respect, quickly moves on to jump dick first into another woman’s bat cave, then months even years down the line reappears with a couple of STI’s and a sorry note, begging you to take him back? Well these are prime symptoms of the ‘punch to prick disease’. It can appear in many forms and in some cases be fatal but rest assured, you can protect yourself by taking the red flags seriously and covering your heart with a breathable mask.
In my time I have witnessed many a man canon ball it into the dating deep end without armbands, a clue, or even a noodle to keep them afloat. Resulting in them instantly regretting the day they didn’t learn to swim. It’s a Heinz ‘silly man’ soup of no return and on occasion I have gladly sat back and watched them metaphorically drown in their own egotistic mistakes. It’s a sad way to go, sinking into the murky depths of arrogance and stupidity but I think the obvious and most helpful message here gentlemen is… don’t go doggy paddling in those deep pools of pussy and then think you’re King Dick Triton because let’s face it, nobody’s golden fork is that big.
I guess the question is when will it all stop and revert straight back to how dating and relationships used to be? A time when the gratitude for life and love would beat the doubt, the fear and insecurity. A time when couples would spend time watering their own bush instead of searching for younger, trimmer and greener bushes. Relationships as we once knew them have now conformed to our digital age, where everything is easily accessible and dating apps are like fast food for your heart. Nothing and nobody is precious anymore. Instead of building as a team, it’s now far more convenient to find the exit and meet someone new. It’s a manmade feeding frenzy for the dirtbags who simply hop from one fresh lily pad to another like a wart covered toad and shart all over their beauty.