CHOO-F**KING-CHOO

Ever wanted to just cut this thick layer of nostril-offending Bullshit that we all seem to hide behind and say those four freeing words …’Oh just f**k off’? Why is it, that in order to live a peaceful and content life we have to follow the acceptable guide of ‘stay quiet, be nice, pretend to live your best life and get on with it’? I mean, have we not hit an all-time low when the art of honesty is no longer appreciated or wanted by society? When fake masks and disclosed feelings are welcomed with open arms, but the struggle and TRUTH is openly shunned and judged as shameful negativity.  

In my 31 years of living life in the fast lane and telling people harsh and brutal truths (especially men) I have discovered that the majority of people are much happier hearing what they think they want to hear. Of course, nobody wants to be told they’re an unbearable prick with badly grown facial hair, a horrifically shit shag or mind numbingly boring to converse with … but surely knowing peoples true opinions on our abilities and character is far better than plodding through life like an over-sensitive goat on the hunt for delusional compliments! It seems we have all got to a stage in this shit-show of a life where telling the truth is feared in case we offend or disrupt peace. I say FU*K peace… how on earth can we learn to grow and adapt if all we continuously hear are kind lies and censored thoughts?

I will never understand why honest people are made to feel inconsiderate and insensitive. Surely living a lie and demonstrating fake kindness is far more destructive than openly telling someone they’re a Knob?

That being said, I have met a colossal amount of wet lettuces in my time. Completely unable to communicate efficiently, horrendously scared to tell the truth and barbarically offended by the word c*nt! In the past I have found myself tiptoeing around these pretty little snowflakes, trying not to offend their baby ears with my honesty and helpful criticism… but I finally make a 2021 stance – no longer will I go unheard or dismiss my own thoughts and beliefs for other people’s satisfaction and feelings. None of what I write is censored, so why the hell do I attempt to censor the rest of my life? Is it to benefit the mask wearers, the wannabees, the absolute cock bags that I seem to date on the regular, the toxic family members who kick you down to elevate themselves, or the using pieces of shit that are only around when they want something from you? NO NO ! If certain humans do not like me because of my brutal but beneficial honesty, then do I really want to associate with such thin-skinned beings?

There’s also that very well-known trend of faking a happy and extravagant life of online perfection. Completely masking over the hardships, daily struggles, laziness, fat days, bad decisions, broken hearts and loneliness. It’s almost as if showing those natural sides of us will ultimately kill our popularity and reputation, putting us in the same category as a guilty inmate on death row … but these life-living feelings are ironically what sets us aside from such conscience-lacking monsters. We fear the judgment of normality, failure, cellulite and lack of Instagram likes – as if somehow a life without these things equals ‘the right way’ and ‘the only way’ – when the truth is, It’s not a way at all because it simply doesn’t exist!

Now then, I am certainly no influencer, nor do I ever wish to be… but I really have no idea how my social media comes across to my very average amount of followers. I have had many messages from old friends who congratulate my fun seeming lifestyle, with my ‘no fucks given’ attitude and the occasional extravagant party with the so-called elite. But the people who really know me, know that at least once a week I am face deep in a bottle of red, wailing along to a Westlife classic and wondering where the hell It all went wrong. I am not ashamed to let the rest of you know that my dating life is one that can only be described as a complete and utter shambles. My social life consists of pretend happiness, too much booze and a ton of untrustworthy acquaintances. My professional life is a medley of embarrassing cockups and instability. My family life is somewhat non-existent, and my fitness levels are highly questionable (even for a pizza buff who’s fond of a weekend shandy binge). The only thing I am unquestionably sure about in my life right now, is my ability to be openly honest about anything and everything – oh, and my obvious love for profanity and AWESOME f**king taste in music!

And you know what? I’ll happily take those! 😊

I would however like to live in a world where we present ourselves as ourselves. Our ugly truths can be celebrated as much as our successes. Our poor decisions can be understood as well-deserved lessons. We can say the words “I’m just not that into you” when we’re not feeling somebody’s energy. Jokes can be jokes, no matter how crude and insulting. Humour remains humour no matter how many people snigger. The fake-rich can be called out no matter how hard they live that obvious lie … and women can stop faking their orgasms with incompetent men! Let’s STOP pretending to be perfect. We are all a little backwards, a little misunderstood and a little emotionally fucked, as that’s what happens when you live life properly. The ‘normal’ ones without baggage or messy hearts are the ones who have kept themselves hidden from change, opportunity, potential love and RISK! But all those things are what make the life-train worth riding. Choo f**ing choo!

We must accept and appreciate that sometimes we have a purse full of paper and buy the fanciest wine on the shelf, and other times we can barely scrape enough pennies for spaghetti. Sometimes we exercise daily and consume our floppy tasteless greens, and other times we’re necking Budweiser and inhaling fried chicken. Sometimes we practice meditation and read a self-help book a week, and other times we are setting fire to said book and having a Hocus Pocus ‘f**kboy’ séance. It’s not about how amazing, disciplined, inspiring and NORMAL we can be to everyone watching…it’s about living our truth and being completely honest with ourselves and our audience – even if it isn’t celebrated by all – it will be appreciated by the ones who really matter.  

So, go be YOU, screw anyone who has a problem with that … and start living your mother f**king TRUTH!

Published by lauraslife848

Just a 30 something girl typing TRUTH Disclaimer: A lot of what i write is for entertainment purposes ONLY - Don't get butthurt ;-)

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